all those little things

this, my friend, is an apology.

this, this is sincere.

and it's all for you.

I've never meant to hurt you.

I was scared and I was Stupid and I wasn't really thinking straight. I really do hope that Some day you will be able to read this and think, "Oh, she really did love me after all." Because if there was one thing I did not lie about it was that one little thing.

But see, now I've gone and ruined me.

Cut out my heart and left it to bleed.

Oh, how I wish you could see.

I left you, that's a done deed.

But please, accept this apology.

Here's the story:

We met. We talked. We flirted.

we let our hearts dance under the stars,

we let our hopes grow and grow and grow.

we got to know each other,

we got to know ourselves.

we went places, did things.

it was normal, it was fun, it was Right.

and before we even knew it,

It was love.

and it was beautiful.

[and it is something I've given up on finding again.

Because I know, I never will.]

and that scared me.

I was timid and childish and immature

afraid of rejection from all the wrong angles.

I thought I would keep living after that

I thought we went wrong

I thought my reality was twisted, and that nothing could save us. I thought that my world was crashing down on me and that this was a cruel, wicked trick and that none of it actually mattered and that everything was just a big fat lie and that you didn't really love me and that it was a hoax and that you'd never forgive me for what I had or hadn't done and that that one time at summer camp might actually change your fucking mind.

So, in the bitchiest way possible, I tore you down.

Via text message.

And then it was gone.

and time and a half later, nothing has changed. We still never talk, even if we want to.

Mutual friends can't even help.

I'd ask where we went wrong, but I know.

I'm full of insecurity.

Don't give me your heart, don't give me your hope.

I don't believe in love.