After: day 5

this is me, fulfilling me temporary requirement for sad/bad poetry:

A hundred and two days, pick yourself up after you fall
Three months left, deadlines draw near
imagine: only a hundred-two days to familiarize
commit to the features
make up more lies
Fourteen weeks, there isn't much to go
lifetimes can live inside memories
don't forget me this time
wasted moments mean everything
live life in between
every day spent wishing for day a hundred and three

--

Tell me, are you thinking,

that everything is done as far we go?

And if you have a minute,

please just don't let me go.

Is there something I missed,

let's talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go,

somewhere only we know?

--

moments between

i live for those moments,

however brief they may be,

the ones in between

you not being near me

-----------

and a nice little snippet

"You probably knew me by then.

That I would do anything in a heartbeat.

That I was ready for the late nights and the tears and the failed attempts only to

try and try again until everything was finally ok.

You only had to climb back in.

I wanted to scream, to shout, to ask you why and where and who and when, but most of all hold you tight, a shield from all the heartache.

Giving peace and destroying pain in one single surge of emotion completely dedicated to you.

But instead I just nodded, my lips tightened, imitating yours.

A strange thing happened then.

I half expected you to look up at me and explain it all.

Indecision, maybe, flashed through your mind.

However fate prevailed and you walked off.

Turning the corner of the building without another word.

I knew that I would never see you again.

And it was awhile before I would be ok with that."

and now a lovely little thing of beauty

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z0-3X_-pBY&feature=player_embedded#at=20

After: day 3

it has never hurt so much.

i've never wanted anything more in my life.

what happens,

when someone finds their love,

and they don't stay together?

this.

everything reminds me of you.

you're inescapable.

do you even understand?

dead

nothing can save me now.

I'm a picture without a frame.
A poem without a rhyme.
A car with three wheels.
A sun without fire.
I am a gun without bullets.
I am the truth without someone to hear it.
I am a feeling without someone to feel it.
This is who I am.
A mess without you.
Something beautiful with you.

you were a dream

then a reality

now a memory

Just say goodbye. You can say it when you get up from the couch. You can say it at the door. I will say it when you get to your car. I'll scream it as you drive away.

the space between

You are the silence between the notes. The white space between the letters. The missing that makes everything else, a something.

And so, I wait because you have already left and my work here, is done. I wait and wonder how my skin feels like it’s made of love letters written a hundred years too soon (too late). I wonder at the mystery of life and how much of it can possibly remain. I wonder at pain and hurt and love and time and how much of each I held. I wonder at how I cannot remember anything in my life before I met you. I wonder at the tiniest of touches and try, desperately, to keep their memories alive. I wonder at loneliness. I wonder at how long it’ll be, before I see you again. I wait. And I wonder.

Some will make a moment feel like forever. But the people who really change your life are the ones that make forever, feel like a moment.

missing

I don't know what's going on with you.

And I'm not going to barge into your life enough and ask.

You'll tell me if you want.

and either way, i will be okay.

i will tell myself to be okay even if i'm not.

i will shut out the world and be O.K.

even if i'm really not.

and i hope i will get to see you soon. it's our one-month tomorrow. i will celebrate, most likely alone. with my own little self, a box of old photographs and tears for the memories, a bottle of vodka. i'll drink your glass for you, it's rude to leave a full glass untouched.

and i'll close my eyes and the world might stop for just a second if i hold my breath just right, but even if it doesn't, there will still be that light moment where i can almost feel you sitting next to me, and that will have been enough.

http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/2010/02/forgotten-star.html

addiction

"I don't know. I used to be able to justify it. at school, i was so stressed.. but now, i'm just letting myself. i'm not even reasoning it. truth is, i wanna burn. so bad, but those scars don't fade quick at all. cuts, on the other hand, you can barely see mine from during school. and they're totally different feelings and releases. and it's hard to explain, and i'm sure even worse to understand, but there's just something so addicting about it"

"someday, somewhere, someone will find a cure for any and all addictions. and they will be tracked down and killed and their precious cure lost forever, for otherwise we will have lost the art of being human.

And so we must cling to what defines us as people, not what people define us by."

"let's not lose the art of being human"

"Come on,

We've only got time to lose."

There are a few small things i'd like to tell you.

not really open for discusison.

just statements, really.

i suffer. from insecurity and depression and lying and wanting and basically just being very... human. i suffer and i know it and i cannot help it one bit. i'm sorry if i ever have or will inconvenience you.

sometimes i wonder why people like me at all. many times i wonder why i am the way i am and why i never seem to change. i often wonder if i wonder too much.

also, i am in love with you.

that's all.

Missin you is like no other
i wish i knew you felt the same
i love where i am
and i know where i've been
and i want to be home with you

maryland

pablo of maryland-

i greet you!

we chatted for, how long, 3 hours? must have been close.

you seem pretty cool to me.

glad for the honest email exchange!

i hope we can be email friends.

a lot.

and i'll get myself a webcam and i'll get a skype and ta-da! life will be wonderful.

Also, i was buggered into visiting my ex today. he's such an ass, i never should have gone. but i did, and i cant change that now. and then you called, at just the wrong time, and he had to go and be an ass about it, and now i can't even believe myself. i just wish and hope on every star that you'll help me forgive and forget and we'll both move on because even though i haven't said it yet, i love you and i can't imagine life without you.

please.

Everytime my phone rings, I'm secretly hoping it's you.
i dont wanna hold you away from your life, i want you to take me whenever you please.

insecure

i'm horrifically insecure,

but you let me hope.

help me love.

violent me

you're ex isn't over you.

i know exactly how she feels.

you treated her like absolute SHIT,

and she still likes you.

i'm scared.

she's obviously better than me,

and you did THAT to her.

and i don't know what to think.

i've made my share of mistakes, indeed.

so yeah, i deserve a little bit of hell in my life.

but i'm weak.

i can't take it.

but i still want you so much,

i want to forget these things i now know

i want to swim in sweet ignorant bliss,

i want to forgive you.

i want you to forgive yourself,

but still learn from your mistake.

i want to trust you so badly.

i want you so badly.

i need you.

shit, i'm crying already.

i had really hoped i might make it another hour.

sob yourself to sleep,

tear-stained pillowcase

she is so beautiful

how could you?

how could you hurt her like that?

would you ever do that to me too?

i'm so scared

i fell hard for mike, and i'm still not over him entirely

but you, you helped. before you even decided to choose me,

you had already helped me forget a very, very low time in my life

and now you're all mine but i still have doubts.

am i just another toy to you?

am i just a pretty little thing?

just a fuck friend?

arm candy?

WHAT AM I?

i am broken.

you've got all the pieces.

if you fuck it up,

i'm gone.

gone for good.

please stay.

i need you,

more than you or i even know.

god, i'm just so fucking scared.

how could i let myself do this?!

why did i let myself fall?

i told myself i'd never love like that,

but here we are

i want to give up

baby please.

try to understand,

how much i need this.

two weeks after i met you,

i almost killed myself.

because of you, in a very small way.

and you didn't even KNOW me then.

now you've got me where you want me and i'm hopeless

can't break free.

save me.

---

One thousand miles away, there's nothing left to say
But so much left that I don't know
We never had a choice, this world is too much noise
It takes me under, it takes me under once again

I don't hate you
I don't hate you, no

So tell me now if this ain't love then how do we get out?
'Cause I don't know

That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have, oh, oh

I don't hate you

ready

Just another brick in this goddamn wall. | Points North

You've made more than your share of mistakes,

I've made a few of my own.

You seem nice enough,

but I've heard what they say.

I'm not one to judge,

So I'm all for loving you.

And you don't have to promise that you won't be an ass.

You don't have to swear that you'll be perfect.

You don't have to change everything for me.

'Cause you know at some point it'll backfire.

You don't need to treat me like an angel,

Even though I'm fragile,

I can take a hit.

And if you wanna be mean and rude and break my heart,

I'll do my best to give you hell.

I'll take everything you throw at me,

'Cause I want you that badly.

I just need you to know that you don't have to perfect,

But don't expect me to be perfect either.

I'm more innocent than I seem,

I've got a heart that's already been broken,

And I almost don't want to be with you,

To try and save the last little pieces before you take them.

But it's too late for that.

You've seen what you needed to in the world, and maybe a little bit more.

Let me show you what it's like to be innocent again.