Ruins

Fuck everything.
Anger takes over, when there's room left for forgiveness.
time and time again, over and over,
i've let you get away with killing me slowly.
there are so many places i wish i would have been than where i was when we met
i knew the second we set eyes on each other that we had something different

i recall this feeling happening before, in what seemed like a different life.
time passed, and now this pull returns.

i felt like i knew you already. like you and i were pieces of a puzzle, the final two.
a pairing meant to be savored, or thrown like paper into the flames.
watch the beauty of an image fall into place,
something truly extraordinary
that only lasted for a second.

now i understand that we were never meant to be

never.
it's such a harsh word, i don't think either of us fully understand the consequences of this term.
i fell so hard for you, and had myself half-convinced that i was getting over you.
i was lying again, obviously.

we had something so beautiful, i can barely explain it.
every day around you had fire, life, truth, air.
i felt great and whole and precious.
wanted.

now i feel like the dirt we tread upon without a second's thought.

you fucking asshole, i will never forget what you've done to me.
i let myself give you every ounce of forgiveness i could muster,
and i get absolutely nothing in return.
and now, there's nothing left but anger.
you were the best and worst thing to ever happen to me.
mediocrity is far better.
i hope you rot in hell.
(because i will be there with you)

Never before have I been more worried. Or scared. Or truly conflicted.
I wake up, check the calendar. You're still you, I'm still me.
And one plus one makes three, maybe.
Where did this go wrong?
Please, please don't let me down again.
I'm begging you, if this takes a turn for the worse, you're all I have.
No one else will understand.

But you're on the train, one-way ticket to get away
There's no stopping you now
I can't pretend to miss you
Staying strong is harder in the face of fear
Being happy is impossible when you're gone


---


You're set on leaving, I know I can't stop you.
There was a time when I thought even speaking to you would set me off
There was a time when seeing you was a thing of my dreams
Now you were in my life again
You still wanted me- I know.
This struggle inside your heart, it's tearing both of us to pieces.
It kills me to say it,
but I really hope you'll leave for good.
You'll become a memory to me, a past to pack away into the recesses of my mind
you won't mean the same thing
you'll be more, yet the fact that you're gone will be final
I'll have to move on
We both knew it was coming- love like this is the stuff of fairy tales
Not real life.

Wouldnt that be a lovely way to spend your birthday? Wondering if your exgirlfriend is pregnant?
Yeah right.

Music is Love

‪The Strokes feat Regina Spektor-Modern Girls‬‏ - YouTube

King of Mixed Signals

this isn't an "After"

this isn't what you want it to be.
this isn't what i want it to be.

you still want me, i know it. otherwise we wouldn't have our little arrangement.
yet you push me away,
you say you don't want it to be like this.
you say you can't go that far anymore, because there's still an attachment.
in plain english: you're still not over me
but you still let me leave.
and then you say you'll probably regret it later.
because we both still want each other.
we can't stand to be apart.
yet here we are, standing arm's length away.

nobody's willing to move

i don't want to let you see me like this
you can't know how you effect me

you embrace me, arms wrapped around me tightly
we share our goodbyes

you know what you've done.

you tell me to call you when i get home, so you can rest assured i made it home okay
you don't want to hurt me, i'm guessing
you don't want to mess it up,
you don't want me to have to deal with things like that

You don't realize what you've already done

i'm left here broken, heart blackened by the flame that used to burn
carrying baggage i'll never leave behind

i'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin

and  i want to give you an ultimatum, i want to make you tell me straight, if you still want me or not. but i fear what will happen to me if you say i have to go. that will be a day i won't ever forget. time heals all wounds, except those that distance themselves from memories. this is a pain i feel in the simplest things.
and still, when you're near, i'm okay. you melt away my reality, and let me live in my fairytale.