Sometimes I recognize the simple look upon your face.

You’re sitting there, and wondering, thinking about how she

Had gone and left you alone without a trace

And just to think, it always could’ve been me.

yep, it's true. it was me, in all reality. but you see, there are some things out there that just aren't meant to be. i suppose you and her were one of those. it could have been me that you drug around, led on, and let down. and i would have loved you for it. see that? it's called masochism, and it's OK. trust me on this one.

Also, i have concluded that you are indeed a complete asshole of a man-whore. there. i said it.

And YOU. yeah you over there, you know who you are. You are solely responsible. you broke me. and what do you know about it? nothing. 'cause see, i'm falling so fast i can't reach you anymore. and you could fix me, but she means oh-so-much more.

i see a pattern here.

And oh, i do love parties. big ones, with lots of people and drama, and OOPS, there went that lamp! especially when my best friend thinks this one guy who likes me is really cute. oh, lovely. more drama.

however, these ups and downs have become such a part of me, they are integral to my daily life. these highs and lows, they are what i live for. i wouldn't have it any other way.

Since I Hate Tuesdays:

seven years is quite a while. I admire such perseverance. I'm not sure I could hold on to the notion of one person for such a long time, let alone over such a long distance. but its those friends we will always keep closest to our hearts, after all.

And I am filled with envy.

my kitty seriously just did a backflip in the middle of my bedroom floor.

I'm totes serious here, and quite incredulous.

I have a talented feline? yep.

Her name is Ilyinichna, if you just so happen to care.

--

we walked on ice like broken glass,

we burned down all the greenest grass,

the sun was setting on our prime,

the night won't ever forget this time,

when we were alone together.

held close by fate's harsh tether.

--

And since I really do hate tuesdays, it makes me all the more excited that today is in fact a wednesday. It was a good day nonetheless, with weather and excitement and ideas that make my mind spin. These days, these are the days I wish were memorable. These are the days I would like to share with you.

And, we have our daily song-that's-stuck-in-my-head:

Jacqueline was seventeen
working on a desk
when Ivor
Peered above a spectacle
forgot that he had wrecked a girl
Sometimes these eyes
Forget the face they're peering from
When the face they peer upon
Well, you know
That face as I do
And how in the return of the gaze
She can return you the face
That you are staring from

You Think You're Unforgettable

You've got lines
power, beauty, listeners
But hollow weights still sink my dear,
and you're no hot air balloon.

Wishing actions spoke more softly
Screaming hearts and sealed lips
Recall words spoken just for you

Trembling, under pressure
whisk away anxiety
imperfections comfort me

'Cause when we're reaching for that one trapeze
fear of falling, desperately
Dancing on tightropes of hope

She whispers off mountaintops
Fall and feasibly hear

mortality never scared you
now I'm horrified
please laugh in mockery
i know my dreams will fade

Never plan B
your fears are nothing to me
I always kept hope


--
But you're more than last night's dream.
I always wanted you, and now you're gone.
Is it sorrow I should feel? or am I just broken?

times like these make me wonder, what I have done to torment myself so.
But I know I deserve it.
She isn't crazy, but she wants something to be wrong with her, so she has an excuse for how she is.

Worst Intentions

Keep walking away, love, repress those furious tears

Because contradictions are the drug of yesterdays
Take some oxy(morons), and stay until tomorrow
Before you leave with your hopeful pessimism
Convince them I cannot stay

Memories pass time we’re missing
Lost to you

Miss(ing) those starless moments
Nondescript days of horrific harmony
And I only want it back
So sweet, what you took inadvertently
Utter simple satisfaction, honey
She will never leave

Accelerate those regrets, withheld
Ignorant, longing, pain unknown by you
So convinced you’re that forgettable
Yet you’re so much more than last night’s dream
Sweetheart, until now you always questioned
Oh, that logic

Hold on, perseverance is golden, my dear
Please, (say) I’m sorry

Would you love me still
Never forget, all I ask of you
No one can hear your secret whispers now
Cry while you rest your eyes

Darling you’ll (never) be mine

--

and then there are places i can choose to go, where my heart lies in a happier place. but not here, and not now. because it is never convenient, and never will be.

What I Wish To Say

You can tell me whatever you want,

When I'm done.

I just have to say what's on my mind.

I'm not happy about what happened,

And I don't want to regret it either.

I hope that we can still make something out of this,

It's not everyday we find what we're looking for.

Now to be honest,

I feel like some one-week rebound.

I feel like I could do better elsewhere.

I feel like I'm not that special.

Don't try to tell me otherwise.

I just won't listen.

And for God's sake,

I don't want you to change for me,

And I'm sure as hell not going to change for you.

I'm done with that shit.

So I want to just walk away,

Be done with here-and-now.

But I don't want to hurt you.

I don't want you to have to handle my pain.

I'm not one to just hand out second chances either,

So consider yourself lucky,

'Cause yours starts now.

--

it's been a while, my friend. glad to have returned, another try will most likely work better.

mornings

All of my friends think I am crazy because I'm a morining person. I wake up at 6:00 sharp every morning, even on weekends and in the summer. I don't think I'm crazy becuase the average human being sleeps through 2/3 of their life. I'd prefer not to.

im supposed to be asleep

hey, my first post and im supposed to be asleep. late at night i often lie awake, and seldom do i sleep dreamlessly. i find myself wondering late into the darkness, my eyes open but seeing nothing. this is when i type. i type my feelings in poems, and i type my thouhgts in words; but most often i type my story. you must understand that i am unhappy with my life. i understand that this could never be fixed entirely, so i am writing a story that i wish to be mine. La vita per i lunghi hanno thats italian. i LOVE italian. it means the life i long to have, and i agree that many people would like to try out a few steps in another's shoes, but i'd like to burn my own. its hard, but that's how i roll. music helps me to relax, so i almost always have my Zune playing. soon i will begin posting more of my story. [also a note; i am really bad with typing, i have no idea why, but if someis talking, i can type fast, but almost every word is in complete reverse!] now i must continue to stare at the purple ceiling of my room and wish i were really somewhere else...