Let Go

just when i thought things were getting better,
you turn up again.

i've decided, that at least for now, this is going to be a letter to you.
a giant, big fat letter to you.

so i saw you today,
and yeah my heart started pounding,
and yeah i might have held my breath,
but i never had to utter your name in disbelief.
i just got up and walked away.

and you know what?
i don't think anyone else could have cared less.
you don't mean that much to the world.
to me, you still might be the world,
but that doesn't mean jack shit to you anyway.

also, i think it is okay to fall for student teachers? he can't possibly be any more than 4 years older than me, so it's not too bad.

Or that other guy. You know, the tall, built blonde football player.
I think everyone swoons at him.
I can't help it.
he's so tall and sexy,
and my oh my, is that a man and not a boy. wow.

I hope Jake goes to prom. I really think he should.
and Cole will be there :)
at first i was sad to hear that he had another date.
but i suppose there's no basis to that jealousy so i just let it go.

just like  everything else.

dance

i like friends.
people who love you sometimes because of who you are and even more often in spite of it. they aren't obligated to love you like the strained bond of blood. family.
friends help you because they can.


i want to be this person to so many people.
i don't want to be the enemy.
i've never meant to hurt anyone.

i don't really want to.
physical hurt, that can be overcome.
playful words, in jest
these are words forgotten.

heart wounds never heal the same.
ask any doctor, they'll tell you so.


so i have my friends, and i hope they know that they have me.
for my one true goal in the world is to be a friend.
not much more,
not any less.
and the shallow desires i've possessed before,
i hope i outgrow them.
because when you feel that connection,
your heart's voice sings in a deafening tone,
everything else is drowned out,
there's no turning back.

i will not look for love.
if love is right for me,
it can come hunt me down.
i will look for the best of friends,
the new friends,
the new smiles,
new faces,
new laughs,
new sighs,
new bitten tongues,
new shuffling feet,
new yawns,
new hands,
new people, with truth and beauty.

we can bring down the world, with a machine-gun giggle and a bomb made of happiness.

i feel so motivated.
i want to do art,
i want to excel,
i want to ride,
i want to fly,
i want to work,
i want to acheive.

i thought i had forgotten what those words meant,
how the burning flame of initiative burns like the sun, not a candle.

freedom.

Get OUT

there are so many ways i hate you.
i hate how everything i see, every single day is still something i relate to you.
you're just so damn unforgettable, i can't get you out of my mind.
first love
i shared my rooftop with you, my stars. i shared my music with you, my smile. i gave you everything i had.
and more.
i threw away my pride for you.
my dignity.
i let you use me at your will
and i hadn't ever felt so good, but now it's catching up to me and i can't stand anymore.
you're still so ingrained in my being

i walked into Ms. Mo's room today, and my heart stopped.
you were there, next to me, and i felt like crying.
anything to hold you once more.

you've got everyone at your fingertips
and you don't even understand
you take it for granted, how these people love the image you portray.
and that's how i hate you.

i cried again today.
not just because i'm sad your gone,
but because i'm fucking pissed that you were ever here.

just leave.